What a day. Sometimes I do some work for a lawyer which includes serving papers to people. Today I had to serve a man who was doing time. I took the subway to Kipling station, and then a 40 minute bus ride which is so rickety, due to the conditions of some streets, it rearranges your organs, now I know what the term "coughing up a lung" feels like. I thought of putting on a Batman suit that I had for Halloween years ago, but how funny would that be, all I have left is the mask and the cape. I arrive at the detention centre and tell the officer that I have some papers to serve an inmate. He buzzes me through and I proceed to wait. I realize I haven't gone to the bathroom since I ate breakfast, and I can just imagine what the inmate would say if I appeared before him with a pee stain. Never visit an inmate on a full bladder. I went to the bathroom and waited some more. I was finally shown to the room where "the charming gentleman" was, along with some other guys. This guy looked a little like the actor who played Phil Leotardo on The Sopranos. I resisted the urge to shout "no way, you guys really do wear orange jumpers, I thought that was just in the movies!!!!....that is SO COOL." I sat down, picked up the phone and told him I have some papers for him. He than asked a bunch of questions that I had no answers to, what's in the folder? what's this about?...like that. He didn't have any patience for my lack of information. I felt some beads of sweat starting to form. I just wanted to get out of there and go home. After he said he's not accepting the folder without talking to his lawyer, I gave the folder to an officer and was on my way. I left the building at 10:11, as my luck would have it, I saw the bus I needed to take at the bus stop. It was that "moment of indecision" whether I should make a run for it or wait for the next one. I was like a sprinter bobbing on the starting line waiting for the gun to go off. I wish I had ran because as soon as I decided to run, the bus pulled away. Now seeing as this is the TTC and the detention centre is in an industrial section of the city, I had to wait for the next bus. I felt like Cary Grant in North by Northwest. During the time I'm waiting a thousand thoughts fill my brain..."where the hell is the bus?", "I wonder if this caterpillar on the telephone pole with turn into Mothra?" "where the hell is the bus"...10:44 is when the bus arrives, along the way there are some interesting people that get on, some guy in a black t-shirt and black sweatpants and black dress shoes, he actually looked like an inmate that might have escaped, I guess the fashion gurus don't make it out to that part of the city, I pass by a stretch of road that on one side has industrial buildings, and on the other side looks like they were taking down the sets of Logan's Run..I love 60's architecture, I also saw a sign for a gentlemen's club called Spearmint Rhino, who names these places??....takes me until 11:23 until I get to the station, I figure the ride back must have rearranged my organs to their original position. I finally get home around 12:30, none the worse for wear but armed with the knowledge of emptying your bladder BEFORE any activities that might make your knees knock.
